Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D

            What has happened to horror movies? A proud genre that once relied on suspense, shadows, and imagination now settles for cheap, calculated jump scares, or tries to put a fresh “spin” on classic characters to no avail. Unfortunately for Leatherface, Texas Chainsaw 3D is one of the worst culprits of the latter, and is a disaster at nearly every turn.

            The film disregards all other entrants in the TCM series and picks up moments after the original ends. We are treated to mere minutes of nostalgia, as the notorious Sawyer family is reunited on screen, complete with John Dugan in Grandpa’s chair. A welcome surprise was Bill Moseley, who fills in for the late Jim Siedow, and does a nice job portraying Drayton Sawyer. But alas, all good things come to an end, and the characters we know and love are burned to the ground by angry townsfolk, setting the stage for the rest of the film. We are then transported to what seems to be present day, and are introduced to a young grocery store employee named Heather (Alexandra Daddario). When Heather learns of her maternal grandmother’s passing, she and her friends set out on a road trip to collect her inheritance, and thus arouse Newt, Texas’s most violent citizen. At this point, the general incompetence of Texas Chainsaw 3D is already apparent, as the supposed 20-something Heather would actually be 38 years old if she was a newborn in the opening scene set in 1974. Regrettably, this incorrect math is simply the beginning of the ridiculousness that unfolds over the rest of the movie.

            Slasher films aren’t typically lauded for the performances of their actors, and it’s as if TC3D purposely tries to stay true to this. As Heather’s boyfriend, Trey Songz answers the question of whether or not there is anything more irritating than his music by showing that his acting is equally as awful. The rest of Heather’s friends play cliché, clueless young adults looking for nothing but a good time, and the character development provides zero reason for the audience to care for them. The script is insultingly dumbed down and grates on your nerves more so than the revving of any chainsaw. The only character that the film attempts to persuade the viewer to relate to is the one that should be left in the shadows the most: Leatherface.

            Named Jed Sawyer this go around, Leatherface starts TC3D as his usual hulking, monstrous self, but the plot does nothing to enhance this image. The main purpose of TC3D is to provide some sort of commentary on the family unit while humanizing Leatherface with forced empathy, and it’s a terrible choice. By painting the skin-mask wearing psychopath as a childish victim, the veil is pulled back on what was once an unexplainable terror. Leatherface is far more effective as a mysterious cannibal and butcher than he is as an unintelligent baby of a man. The image of Leatherface dancing with his chainsaw in frustration at the end of the 1974 original is downright haunting, while in this film we get to see him exchange emotional glances with his long-lost cousin. The plot makes the police, hell bent on ridding their town of the menace, the bad guys, and makes Leatherface an antihero of sorts. By doing so, Leatherface’s previous crimes are essentially thrown out the window, as it seems as if he does nothing but protect his beloved family when threatened. The Leatherface that I grew up with protected his family, but would also stop at nothing to butcher anything or anyone who he came in contact with. The concept of showing Leatherface in this light was a risk that the filmmakers took, and it falls so incredibly short of being effective that it nearly taints his terrorizing legacy. It should be noted, however, that Dan Yeager does a great job in his portrayal of Leatherface, and it would have been interesting to see him in the role with a better plot around him.

            Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface, makes a cameo in Texas Chainsaw 3D, but that should be the only association made between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and TC3D. This is a poor attempt at bringing a new, softer side to a horror legend, and there isn’t enough gory fun to make it worthwhile. The 3D is pointless and annoying, the acting and script are terrible, and the plot is nonsensical at best. Do yourself a favor and avoid this movie at all costs, and the real Leatherface will still be able to effectively massacre your dreams.

Score: 1.5/5